Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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