she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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