I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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