You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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