listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he shaved USA in his pubs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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