apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
