worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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