He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
