no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
