i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ladies don't puke and tell
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
