Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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