Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
