this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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