he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
