just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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