Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
