Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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