I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
