Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
