when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
