the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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