The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
