She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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