I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Randomize
