i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
