Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
