i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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