so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
