I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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