My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
