I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
barbara walters just said penis...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
