I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
