Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
