Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
