when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
