Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
