i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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