There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
