fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
