dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
