He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
