well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
