I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
