when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
