I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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