why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
