3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
