what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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