I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
