If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
