shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
