I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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